"Come read this," he said from the couch. "It's fluid, lovely--rather captivating, really, without being over the top."
"In a minute," said the other, consumed by the common tasks that held special significance in regards to salary and substance. The minute passed, accompanied by several more, and the question slipped, forgotten, with neither answer nor complaint. Three pages later it disappeared completely, much like its companions of effort and conversation.
"Did you want something earlier," mentioned his other over a light lunch, fork stuck in a cherry tomato.
"Hmm? Oh, no," replied the reader. "It was nothing. Just words."
©2008-2009 `GeneratingHype
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Submitted: April 26, 2008
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Submitted: April 26, 2008
File Size: 829 bytes
Image Size: 0 bytes
Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 104
Favourites & Collections: 68 [who?]
Views
Total: 1,586
Today: 0
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Total: 20
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Author's Comments
100 words.
the death of a relationship
over-the-top or over the top sans the dash?
i also hate the title
the death of a relationship
over-the-top or over the top sans the dash?
i also hate the title
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CommentsNods, I like this, when I read it I thought you were someone else, teehee, so at least I know I really like it.
Anyway, ramblings aside, yeah, for me it would be about a writer, and when the words stop meaning anything to their other half, their other half doesn't really understand them as a person any more. My words are a part of me, If someone doesnt care what I'm writing, what I've written, especially if its for them, I would be heartbroken, and it would be the beginning of the end. To me, a signal that I was no longer important. Lovely. I think over the top visually fits in better here without the dashes.
"Just words" is the name of my lit folder on DA and my hard drive, and what you've written here is the very reason I use that title.  This may sound silly, but I find myself incredibly drawn to the cherry tomato reading this..I can imagine obsessing over it in such a situation. Affective piece for an awesome lit category. -- Brain tingles ftw  Hmm. In this case, I'd say without the dashes. If it weren't part of dialogue, though, I think it'd be with dashes.
As far as title goes, I've got a few random suggestions (all of which I'm not so sure of myself): "Closing Statement", "Words", "Turning the Page" I like this one, though, it's right to the point. It's nice to not see words wasted. -- "HeHeHe. Lit Community. We are our own brand of Special." `GeneratingHype *Adopt-A-Writer | =DailyDeviants | *Writers-Workshop Awesome avatar by =neekko ^^ This is really captivating and fluid. My honest opinion would be to remove the dashes, to me they disrupt the flow of writing.
By the way, you really caught my attention when you mentioned that cherry tomato. It just leapt out at me. -- Mother Nature will be like, "Slowwwwwwwwwwwww dowwwwwwwwwwwwn." And you'll be like, "Fuckyou!" and kick her in the face with your energy legs! How sad that this is so true.. how relationships often end in that, just words. Very well done, the visual picture you painted is very realistic. I like how it is all summed up in only 100 words. kudos!
-- Eyes are in the Beauty of the Beholder    Aang:"You're insane, aren't you?" Old Woman: "Thaaaat's Right!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm a member of *AngstyWriters Flawless.
-- "You do drink, don't you?" "I did just say I was a writer." - 1408 i know that moment, when everything you say to each other ends in a silent "asshole".
-- Support dA Writers who have the balls to publish StJoan, M.D. of DramaLlamaology Literature GD at your service. Too much romanticism.
Remember the world your writing in.
That isn't meant to sound bitter, or pessimistic about the world. Just to be an innovative writer one must fit within the framework and then subvert and deviate-- instead of fitting in some other framework(romanticism) and deviating that.
I think I'm just getting myself in a rut here, I give up. |
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